The Balancing Act...

Do you ever wonder how you do all you do? Balance work, family, friends, hobby's...if you're lucky to even have any hobby's.  Lately I've been wondering what I want to be when I grow up.....being 44 and loving what I do but knowing deep inside its not what I'm meant to do in my life is a startling realization. 

I've been thinking lately I need to do something that means more....that has more of an impact in this world..but what exactly that is..who knows...All I know is I can't do what I do for ever. That would be like Flo on Mel's Diner being a server until she's 50??? No thanks....Its like a great TV show that ends before it gets too old and people get sick of it..that's how I feel my career should end. 

Don't get me wrong. I love what I do, but at times it can be very stressful. Not physically, but mentally draining...more draining than people realize.   My job is to be the go between between the hotel and meeting planners who have budgets to follow, bosses to answer to and help them pull off an amazing event, while making them look fabulous.

In the meantime, I have to please the masses at the hotel and follow the rules that are set before me.  So in a way, I juggle personalities, rules and details on a massive scale....and maintain my cool and keep a smile on my face when that smile should be seen...

The good thing is I have the means to vent when needed to my co-workers..if I couldn't, I'd definitely have some kind of coronary disease..stroke.. you name it that's related to chest pains and shortness of breath.

In the meantime, I'm finding my way in our adventures in backyard farming and gardening.  These seem to be the things that are keeping me balanced and sane at the moment, so I'm embracing it and not asking why.

I've found over the past years that my changes have been for the better and to just embrace them and not ask why....why do I feel the need to be more self sufficient? I think its because I feel the need to make an impact in this world because some day I feel we're all going to look at each other and say "Shit...we  F'd up big time" We are spoiled, name brand driven, materialistic, fuel gorging humans who have taken for granted what we have and some day we're going to wake up to nothing...

As I've said before, I love a great bag, shoes...jewelry, but my NEED to buy them has faded as I realize that the immediate gratification may be nice, but the long term happiness is short lived and often guilt ridden.

I'd rather figure out a way to make my own bag, buy a gorgeous vintage pair of shoes or make my own jewelry. This gives my creative side a chance to shine and not be crammed down deep under the work must come first theory.

So, when you're feeling like a circus trapeze star juggling everything in life, remember this..what makes you happy short term is exactly that..short lived....sometimes the things that make us happy long term might take longer, but the rewards are much larger and more satisfying...